Friendships, me and how it evolved…

 

What I have noticed about friendships is that they change as we grow older just the way we do. There is a drastic difference in how I maintain my friendships now as compared to when I was younger.

When I used to be in my teens, I used to the kind of person who would want to talk to my friends every single day and update them about every little detail of my life. If I couldn’t speak to them for a day I used to be disturbed. The cause of this deep intensity or need could be that friends were all I had while growing up. Being an only child friends filled the absence of siblings. Another reason was the irrational fear that they might find someone better and stop being my friend. This fear and the need waged a war that made me uncompromising and insecure.

When I grew older I noticed that this need slowly dissipated. I think the change in me came with the growing need for my own space. The thing is I never acknowledged the need for space in friendships. Every person is entitled to it, be it any relationship! I was oblivious to it’s necessity. I sometimes failed to acknowledge that my friends are free to form other friendships and it’s not a betrayal of my bond with them. The thought or concept, of my friends having other friends who could be as close as I were to them, was so alien that I used to detest it.

I slowly stopped informing them every single detail. This was almost a conscious decision and something that felt right. I also stopped being insecure if they failed to tell me something. I learnt to accept that my friends will have other friends but that has no bearing on my relation with them. I also learnt to listen more and to be more open and to respect their choices. I slowly gave my friends the space they need and took mine.

I think this process was a necessary part of growing up. As a result something that used to take a lot of effort became almost effortless. I used to wonder where I was going wrong without really finding any solution. But when I finally opened my eyes to what was right in front of me everything became easier.

Today, just the way I have changed, my friendships too have. I am more secure and more respectful. I listen more and make sure that my insecurities will not affect my relationships. I understood that, it doesn’t matter how often I talk to them, meet them or how much I know about them; all that matters is how close to my heart they are…!!

Changes or rather our changing self..

Change is a constant part of our life. There is something extremely vexing and at the same time beautiful about it. I think we all change a little bit everyday. It might not be visible or noticeable at first but that change is happening in us. I am not the same person I was a few years ago. Today there is a lot about me that is different and yet so many things that have remained the same. What I realized overtime is that there is nothing we can do to stop ourselves from changing.

I used to hate ‘change’….!! Hate is not a strong enough word to describe my feelings about any sort of ‘change’. There was something in me that used to see ‘change’ as the harbinger of doom and the worst thing in life. Whenever I used to see my friends or family changing or evolving, I used to approach it with a lot of scorn, mistrust, fear and rejection. I used to fight a lot against it, used to be insecure and accuse them of doing something horrible and unforgivable. I used to tell my friends with a lot of confidence that I will be the same person even if they meet me after 10 or 15 years. But slowly I realized that I was changing and evolving. The change that had happened in me, slowly became obvious and made me think. My own evolving self made me realize that I was being a hypocrite for wanting my friends to remain the same while I myself was changing. Over the past few years I had the realization of the hard truth that no one is immune to changes.

Today I have reached this point where I have accepted change as a necessary evil. I call it evil cause the mistrust and insecurity is still present and it still vexes me. But I have also learnt to see the beauty of it. I like that I have changed and become a better version of myself. I am not claiming that I am perfect. Merely that whatever has changed it’s for the good. So today when someone says that I have changed. I accept it wholeheartedly and completely cause it’s the truth. I have also learnt to embrace the changes in others cause it’s beautiful. There is something beautiful and exciting in discovering something new about people we know. Life is driven by changes and I believe that’s one of the things that makes life so fascinating..!!

True life is lived when tiny changes occur – Leo Tolstoy